Things you learn when you lose someone

With the passing of my father, I have learned many things:

1)  You don't really know who your friends are until that happens.  We've had true, heart-felt expressions of grief, love, and support from people that we never thought we would hear from and conversely, we haven't heard a word from people that we thought were dear friends.  

2)  Viewings are as much for others as they are for us.  The "wake" (or shiva for our Jewish in-laws) are just as much an opportunity for those in our community to come and grieve and to "do something" as it is for us (the family) to know we are supported.  It was wonderful to see the people dad had touched.

3)  We offered as much support as we received.  As the community came, I found myself comforting others as much as I was comforted.   I would offer words of consolation to those who came and couldn't seem to comprehend any more than we could.

4)  Saying, "I'm sorry" really is enough.  Having been on the other side and feeling that a handshake and an "I'm sorry for your loss" just didn't cut it, I can now say that it is really powerful.  You don't have to say much, just mean what you say.  At death, sometimes less is more and a heartfelt "I'm sorry" means much more that an attempt at some words of wisdom.  

5)  Thanks for making the effort.  I had friends drive from a new store opening over an hour away just to say "we're here for you" and another friend who dismissed his class early and drove an hour to just sit with me.  Friends from all over the country who sent e-mails expressing sympathy and an offer to call when I need.  All of this means more than you can imagine at a time like this.

These are all lessons that I've learned from an experience that we all know is coming some day, but came much too soon for me.  Thank you all for your love and support.

Passing of time

So, much has happened since my last post.  First and foremost, is the unexpected passing of my father, Douglas W. Johnson.  His obit read as follows:

JOHNSON Reverend Dr. Douglas W., of Ridgewood died October 17, 2008. Beloved husband of Phyllis (nee Heinzmann). Loving father of Kirk and wife April Johnson of Fair Lawn; Heather and husband Greg Walker of Ho-Ho-Kus; Kirsten and husband John Sharo of Midland Park; Tara and husband Evan Johnson of Midland Park. Adoring grandfather of Christel, Cole, Cory, and Carson Walker, and Stephanie, Patrick, and Ella Sharo. Devoted brother of Alex and wife Sherry Johnson, Wayland and wife Diana Johnson, Ralph and wife Sandy Johnson, Geraldine and husband Joe Oram, and the late Jerry Johnson. He was a member of the United Methodist Church in Ridgewood. Rev. Johnson was listed in several editions of 'Who's Who', and had authored 18 books and numerous articles. He taught sociology at Western Connecticut State College, and served several churches in Illinois and Massachusetts. In addition, he was the Director of Research for the National Council of Churches and for the General Board of Global Ministries for the United Methodist Church. He owned and operated American Home Entertainment in Ridgewood from 1992-2006. His family was incredibly important to him, and he always organized family trips. Rev. Johnson cooked family dinner for 17 every Sunday. In lieu of flowers, donations to Ridgewood United Methodist Church, 100 Dayton St., Ridgewood, NJ 07450 –OR- The Smile Train, 41 Madison Avenue, 28th Floor, NY, NY 10010 (www.smiletrain.org) would be appreciated.